Early on in my online dating, I started chatting with a man who I refer to as “Strong Like Bull”.
I worked at a bank at the time and was sharing my adventures with online dating with a co-worker. She asked what this latest man looked like, assuming he had shared a picture online, and I said “I don’t know but he says he’s at the gym didn’t seem so based on the conversations we had through the dating site.
I set up my safety call and we made arrangements to meet. He was an attractive man. Broad shoulders and as you would imagine, somewhat fit but he had a nervousness underlying his appearance of confidence and ‘swagger’. I could picture him walking around the gym between reps, chatting occasionally with someone he knew, but his arms could touch his sides so while he was well built, he wasn’t into extreme body building. It was important to him that I knew he was dedicated to his craft of building muscle, and he would not miss a work-out session for any reason.
I’m usually pretty intuitive and do energy work on the side. I could see that he was closed off energetically in protection mode and this usually means someone doesn’t have a high self-esteem, or they have been hurt in the past. I could tell he had difficulty making connections with people because he was a little stiff in social settings and didn’t seem to be able to open himself to possibilities. He was tight… I’m not really sure how else to explain it. Tight and controlled.
We talked about what we were looking for and our priorities in life. He was looking for his “wow” and then when on to tell me he was a people person. I nearly choked on my hot chocolate. I swear it nearly shot out my nose! Nice first impression to be sure!
He wanted to know what was so funny and I told him he really didn’t seem like a people person to me. I consider myself to be a people person. I put people at ease and they seem to open up to me about all kinds of things (some I wish they wouldn’t share), but I make friends easily and people place a trust in me.
I told him that he seemed closed off and protected and kept people at arm’s length and probably didn’t like to spend a lot of time with other people. He seemed like someone who enjoyed his alone time. He agreed but insisted he was still a people person. Ok. Sometimes people don’t really know themselves and I can accept people where they’re at.
He told me that he was the kind of person who could hurt me emotionally because I would fall in love with him and he felt that if he settled for me, he might be missing out on something better.
My response was a resounding “Pfft!” and I laughed, grateful I didn’t have another mouthful of hot chocolate!
Again he asked what was so funny and I said “I’d have to let you in first and that’s not happening.”
Oddly we became friends and eventually started dating. We dated off and on for about 4 years when I decided I wanted off the hamster wheel that was going nowhere. Each time I ended things he came back saying I was his “wow”, but every time I let him come back, he couldn’t be open enough for me. Oh the stories I could tell you about Strong Like Bull.
Physically, he may have been strong, but emotionally, he couldn’t give me what I needed. Was he dumb like post? Sometimes I thought so, given his actions, but he is who he is. I’m sure he thought the same about me. I know my friends sure thought I was for putting up with his shenanigans. I do wish him happiness though and hope he finds the real “wow” he’s looking for.
Sometimes people don’t know what they want because they don’t see themselves clearly. It really isn’t personal if it doesn’t work out. It just means he’s not your happily ever after! Check another one off the list and move forward.
Be happy you know now, and keep on keeping on, ever true to your path!
Samantha Quinn 