“I really did save his life.”
That’s what I tell people. It’s all in the perspective.
Meet “John”, a man I met many years ago. He was in the insurance industry. Some might say he was safe… he certainly was a great dresser with well-tailored suits, thick dark hair and well defined features that many would find attractive.
I believe you can usually tell within a few minutes of meeting someone, whether you’re interested in anything more than the coffee you’ve met for. I say usually though, because there are times, obviously, when things present themselves through conversation. Thus, the importance of getting to know someone before you run off to Vegas to get married, or something equally ‘spontaneous’.
We met at Starbucks for coffee. He was tall, and attractive. He could converse intelligently, (a good sign) was a little shy, but who was I to complain about that? I’m shy myself, until you get to know me. Then watch out! 😉 He smelled good too! Men should learn about the power of a great cologne! Well worth the money as far as I’m concerned.
We chatted and conversation went smoothly. He asked if I was free for dinner Friday night (just two days after our first meeting) and I was excited about getting to know him better. There didn’t seem to be anything offensive about him, though it did cross my mind that he was perhaps a little too… middle of the road. I was willing to get to know him better though and that was a start.
He took me to the a Greek restaurant (I love Greek food!) and when he was ordering his food, he asked about peanut oil and explained to the waitress about a food allergy he had.
I was instantly alerted. Having had a friend who was deathly allergic to bees and seeing him react once to a bee sting -and being ever so aware of the ‘peanut free’ zones at my children’s school due to anaphylactic reactions, I was very aware of the seriousness of what this could present.
When he had completed his order, I asked, “How bad is your allergy? What would happen if you came in contact with peanuts?”
“I would probably stop breathing.” he said
Wow… that’s serious!
“Do you have to ingest the peanuts or would you react if someone touched peanuts and then touched you?”
“I would still probably stop breathing,” he explained, “but may have an extra minute to get to my epi-pen.”
“I see… so it’s a very severe allergy.”
He confirmed and I felt my hope deflate much like a balloon when you let the air out. It wouldn’t work.
Some might think me superficial, or callous even, but the reality is, I love peanut butter. Peanut butter cookies, peanut butter and chocolate ice cream, Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups! Even peanut butter on toast. It is a staple for me and one I was not willing to give up for a stranger.
So when he asked me if he could see me again, my response was quick, but gentle… I declined his offer.
“You’re a very nice man John, but I just don’t see us working out. I don’t feel that connection. It isn’t anything you did or didn’t do. I just don’t think we’re a good fit.”
We often say “It isn’t you, it’s me.” when we turn someone down or break up with them when what we really are thinking is “It isn’t me, it’s you!” I thought about being honest with him but I’m not one to cause unnecessary pain to someone else. I don’t want to rack up that kind of bad karma!!
I felt I couldn’t tell him the truth. I didn’t think he’d see the humour in it.
“I’m saving your life! I really am! I can see it all clearly. I know one day I would have a peanut butter cookie. Then I would come home from work, give you a kiss saying ‘Honey, I’m home’ and bang, you’d be dead.”
I wasn’t willing to give up my peanut butter for love in this instance. Would I ever? Of course! If I had to, I would in a heartbeat! For my kids, a sibling, a best friend or my husband!! In the end, though, I would have to love them first, as well as love them more than I do my peanut butter!
Y’all can have all the money in the world, be a snappy dresser and even wear great cologne but these clearly aren’t the be-all, end-all for me.
There’s a very important lesson I learned from this man -and going forward, when those initial likes and dislike questions were being asked at the very beginning of the dance called dating, one of my questions was always, without fail, “How do you feel about Peanut Butter?”
Samantha Quinn 