Never, Never, Never…

Valentine’s Day has come and gone for 2015 and I was blessed to spend it with my Happily Ever After, but that wasn’t always the case.

Twice while on my way to my Happily Ever After, I accepted a first date for Valentine’s Day. Honestly, the romance writer in me thought “Wouldn’t it make a sweet story to be able to say we had our first date on Valentine’s Day?” Yeah, I know… It’s hokey, but I’m sometimes a hokey kind of girl.

I digress… twice I accepted first dates on Valentine’s Day (not the same Valentine’s Day of course) and TWICE, I had dates that I simply could NOT wait to end. In fact, I did end them early.

Enter Sponge Bob Square Pants… He was my first Valentine’s Day disaster. Why did I call him that? Because he felt the need to send me his measurements and I determined from those that he was rather square shaped. Not that tall but, according to him, a large chest.

He seemed normal on the phone when we chatted but as I’ve said earlier, you just never know someone until you actually meet them.

What went wrong you ask?

He talked about his ex-wife and how he was going to make her life miserable because he said she cheated on him. She may have… I don’t know here and won’t make a judgement but ok… Say it’s true. He’s so bitter and angry even still, that he would not make a good partner for me so “X” -strike one! Bitter and angry people are not for me. I want a life of love and happiness.

He decided that he would be spending the night, even though I told him he would not be. He even brought an overnight bag and made sure I knew this because he expected us to leave together. “X” strike two! Someone who doesn’t respect my values and decisions, is not for me. He needs to listen to (and hear) me when I tell him what I want and don’t want.

He talked about how he sang to his ex-wife on their first date and she loved it. Everyone in the restaurant loved it. He was going to sing to me because that would be so romantic and I would love it too.

Um… no… I don’t think I would like that at all.

“You can’t do anything about it if I do.”

“Of course I can. I’m an independent woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to get up and walk out of the restaurant leaving you here to sing to the other patrons.”

I wasn’t always so strong that I would stand up for myself and my opinion. My mom may disagree but in relationships, this wasn’t who I was in the beginning. It was learned and if I didn’t want something, I would say so… so “X” strike three. You’re out!

Sponge Bob got angry with me and stomped off to speak with the owner of the restaurant (whom I knew very well!!) to explain that he no longer needed a ghetto blaster brought to our table.

He moped until the end of our meal and we said our good-byes. He tried to follow me home, but even though I’m cute, I’m not stupid and I took a circuitous route until I lost him and arrived home safely, and in one piece.  🙂

Fast forward a couple of years to a time I had forgotten about my experience of a Valentine’s Day first date and I am invited out by a man of Eastern European decent.

Meet Czech… Check!! (As in bring me the bill please!) 😉

This man was tall and blonde and had an ever so slight accent. He told me his story of how he left his long-time girlfriend behind while he tried to escape from Czechoslovakia when he was 18 years old. She followed him and because of timing, he had to bring her. It was an arduous and very dangerous journey, but he wanted freedom. We know of course that Czechoslovakia was not a country of freedom and he wanted a better life for himself than he was able to have there, so he left his family and friends, and his girlfriend behind, while he escaped to a better life.

He admitted that he would have preferred she didn’t come and felt he ‘needed to marry her’ once they found freedom and while I understand that we all make mistakes, and do things we know we shouldn’t, I asked him if he felt he had been fair to her in not telling her the truth. He admitted to telling her the truth several years into their marriage and then ‘she just up and left.’

I can understand that.

So Czech was looking at me like I was his entre. We had met for lunch because I actually wanted a quiet evening at home alone and wanted time to visit my cousin before settling in for a night of sappy chick flicks. (Yes I am that girl!)

He kept reaching for my hands and trying to hold them. I kept putting them in my lap. Once I said “hey, I need that to eat” to which he offered to feed me.

I’m not one who can fake being comfortable with someone, when I’m not, yet I also don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I tried to be polite. It didn’t work.

Finally when lunch was over, he gave me a CD of romantic music. I said, of course, that he didn’t need to do that.

“It’s Valentine’s Day! We need some romance. Let’s go back to your place and listen to it.”

I explained that I was meeting my cousin, given she was single at the time as well. He didn’t believe me and accused me of having plans with someone else.

“Yes, that’s true,” I said in a voice much calmer than I felt. “I do… with my cousin.”

I asked for the check and when it came, he ripped it out of my hand, telling me that he was a man and would pay for lunch.

I thanked him, put on my coat and left, peeling rubber in the parking lot while I extricated myself from the entire situation, swearing I would NEVER again have a first date on Valentine’s Day.  Lesson learned!!

I could find the funny in these experiences (perhaps not as readily as I can now), and believed that one day love would find me. If you’re still looking for your happily ever after, be patient and don’t try to make everything perfect. It’s our idiosyncrasies that make us interesting.

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. We, in our society, put too much pressure on ourselves and our relationships, expecting things to be perfect. Life and love aren’t about perfection, but about being there for each other and accepting the flaws in those we love and realizing that the blessings are more important.