Meet the “Man of Mystery”

When I was dating, (online or otherwise) I always gave the men I met a nick name. Depending on how the date went, the name may not have always been flattering. What can I say… there were times it helped me remember them better, and certainly helped me remember what impressed (or not) me most about them. Last week you met Mr. Relationship. Now, I would like to introduce you to Man of Mystery.

In all honesty, I can’t even remember what his real name was. I know… not very kind of me, but I DO remember that he was trying hard to be that mysterious sort that I suppose he felt was what every woman was looking for. Unfortunately, he came across as being rather slothful in his attempts to converse and get to know me. Sure… Sloths can be cute to some, but they’re slow and unwilling or unable to get a great deal done and honestly, when you’re looking for a potential partner, is a sloth really what you want? Why didn’t I call him Sloth? No worries, you’ll meet him later on.

During a first meeting of someone you are looking to potentially date, the purpose of that meeting is to get to know them and see if you have anything in common. You want to figure out whether there would be any reason to meet again. It isn’t a personal thing at this point but more of a scoping out of possibilities. Man of Mystery was someone who had conversed somewhat intelligently via online messages and had posted pictures of himself so I knew he was somewhat attractive.

We were meeting for lunch on a work day, so time was slightly limited and sometimes that was a good thing. Hey… I’m nothing if not honest! Anyway… work day… I had advised my co-workers where I was meeting this new potential and arrived at the restaurant on time. I waited… and waited… and after 15 minutes I called his cell phone to ensure we had understood the correct time and place.

“Oh!” He said, sounding like he was all of a sudden in a kerfuffle. “I didn’t realize the time. I will be there in 20 minutes. I just have to finish something.”

“Sorry, but I can’t wait that long. I have to be back to work in 45 minutes. I only have an hour. Perhaps some other time.” I said, feeling irritated.

“NO! Please don’t go! I don’t want to wait! I just live around the corner. I’ll be there in a couple minutes. Please wait for me. I’m so sorry I lost track of time.”

What I should have done at that point, was to say ‘no’, grab some take out to take back to the office and tell my friends I’d been stood up… but just before I was about to do this, he asked one more time for me to ‘pleeease wait’ until he got there.

“Order an appetizer for us while you wait,” he added. “They’re very fast with their food, I promise you won’t starve!”

I found myself agreeing and ordered garlic bread and a diet coke and was seated by a waitress who had not had a lot of luck dating herself and seemed hell-bent on bashing men for their tardiness.

I saw him pull into the parking lot not more than seconds after being seated. He rushed to the table and ‘nice to meet you’s were exchanged. We both took a deep breath and started to get to know each other.

I asked him what he had been working on, and his response was “I could tell you but I’d have to kill you.”

We chuckled, and I thought ‘fair enough’, work is off the table for now.

“I like the looks of your car. I’m looking for a new one myself. What kind is it? I don’t recognize it and I know my cars.”

“Well I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you,”  and then he laughed at his own joke.

“It must be a new model,” I added while he continued laughing at himself. “I don’t recognize it.”

Yes, you guessed it… “I could tell you but I’d have to kill you.”

Such was the majority of our conversation for the duration of our lunch. He eventually told me that he sells Harley’s but just because he loves them and just part time.

Then came time for my ‘safety call’ and my girlfriend asked how things were going. My response could be nothing other than “Well I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.” and then I chuckled as Man of Mystery near about fell off his chair laughing at the joke.

She and I spoke in code after that and because I was not in danger, she left me to my date to try to salvage some semblance of an enjoyable meal.

While I had decided that this was not a relationship that warranted a second meeting, Man of Mystery was completely enjoying himself and felt we were a perfect match, because I ‘got his humour’ and could find the fun in our lunch.

“You had a good time. I could tell.” he said as he leaned in for a kiss once he’d walked me to my car.

“Well I could tell you, but I would have to kill you.” I replied as I sidestepped and opened my door, squeezing inside before he could complete his task.

When I got back to the office I was bombarded with questions.

“How did it go?”

“Well I could tell you…” you know the rest. 😉

Life is too short! Find the funny!